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Microsoft Patents Double Click


"Microsoft has successfully patented using short, long or double clicks to launch different applications on "limited resource computing devices" - presumably PDAs and mobile phones. The US patent was granted on 27 April.

Now any US company using a variety of clicks to launch different software functions from the same button will have to change their product, pay licensing fees to Microsoft or give Microsoft access to its intellectual property in return."

No, apparently this isn't a joke.

Ugh, got two tickets

One was for speeding, the other was for expired tags. Who knew you had to renew tags? I think he just made it up on the spot. The worst thing about getting tickets when you don't have any money is that, well, you can't afford to pay them.

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I actually had a dream about girlyunderwear. Not actually about her, but she was there. The house where I lived had a pier leading up to its front door, and about ten feet from the door was a rail that enclosed a square area. Across the area against the opposite rail were the mailboxes for the community. I saw her walking up to check her mail and thought, "Hey, is that girlyunderwear? I didn't think she lived in Florida..."

She lived with Jimmy Kimmel and I had his number for some reason. I called his house and was asking for her and he was like, "Don't you want to talk to me?" and I'm like, "No... Put her on retard!" But he just told me dumb jokes.

For some reason there were always teenagers and twenty somethings congregating on the pier in front of my house. I spent a lot of time girl watching, leaning against the railing with one arm dangling over the other side. At one point, these two girls hopped the railing and apparently there was a bench on the other side because they sat down. On of the girls was fat and topless and when she sat down she sat right up against my arm and turned her body so that my arm was wrapped around her stomach just below her breasts. Then she yelled, "Why are you touching me!" I yelled back, "You are the one touching me, you crazy bitch!" She moved away.

I don't remember anything else.

Bubba Hotep

I first heard Bubba Hotep described as "Bruce Campbell plays an aging Elvis Presley..." and that's all I needed to hear to know I wanted to see the movie. It turns out there's more, though; Elvis teams up with an aging, black JFK to fight a reanimated mummy who's stealing the souls of their fellow convalescence home residents. It sounds utterly bizarre, and I expected it to be bizarre and lacking in depth.

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Prom Night Dream

I had a dream that I took a friend of mine to her high school prom. I wasn't surprised that I dressed up in the finest tuxedo, or that I was charming and witty, or that I understood about bringing a flower and other prom related rituals. Of course, I wasn't surprised that she was divine; she wore a creme almost tending toward orange dress, the fancy kind, with the artificial waist that makes the lower half become a big dome, and the top strapless, leaving her shoulders bare. She was beautiful and radiant. I wasn't surprised that once we arrived in a large but not excessive limo, we found the place packed with similarly beautiful people, and few questioned my presence among people mostly 9 years younger than I. I wasn't even surprised to find that Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live also there with a date who was from the same high school. We commiserated on being older and how much we missed our youth and how neither of us went to the prom of our own high school and how we both regretted it.

What surprised me was that I could dance. Incredibly well. I was Mr. Cool Guy for the whole dream, but even so, I was an exceptionally good dancer. Strangely enough, my friend wasn't. She looked glorious and I loved dancing with her, but her moves were not out of the ordinary. At one point she excused herself from the dance floor and I began dancing with another girl who was conveniently nearby. She was tall and thin, with long black hair and a pointed nose, wearing a tight, flimsy white dress over her athletic, not so curvy body. She turned out to be an excellent dancer and soon I was spinning her around, dipping her, and doing the thing where you take long steps back and forth facing each other with perfect synchronization. My date came back and was jealous upon seeing this, so she immediately cut in and the area that had been cleared for dancer girl and I quickly filled back in. I laughed and told my girl that she was the best dance parter I could have; she had no competition.

Over the course of the night, Tina Fey and I started to become friendly and by the time we left I had invited her and her date back to our hotel. I had rented a suite in the nicest hotel in town (which isn't that nice since it's sort of in the middle of nowhere), and there were a few couples that joined us in addition to Tina and her date. I bought copious amounts of alcohol, nothing new for this group despite most of them being 18, and we drank and laughed and danced a bit. Soon enough I was making out with my date on the couch and I realized that Tina had no interest in her date; she must have lost a bet or been his cousin or something. She seemed exasperated that I was not interested in her, and as the dream ended, my date and I headed for bedroom. I looked to Tina and gave her an innocent shrug. Loosening my tie and stepping through the door, hand in hand with my precious creature, I awoke.

Hello Kitty

I'm tired of Hotties and Fatties and The Library. I'm tired of going back to high school fantasies. If it's not going to happen, I don't want to hear about it.

I'm tired of girls who don't pick up the phone. I'm tired of girls who exist in my mind and in the real world two, but who aren't the same, really. Is it worth it if I never know the truth?